I called my Mom today because she said she was going to visit today since her boyfriend had an appointment in the area and they would drop by. She lives about 3 hours away. When I asked her if she was coming up she said. "No...he beat me and I kicked him out". Why am I not surprised that this supposedly awesome guy she had met that "treats her so well" turned out to be another loser.
I love my Mom I really do...but since she and my Dad got divorced when I was 13. It's been a broken record of the same old story time and time again. Sometimes I feel like the adult. I told her this time " No more men". Seriously I can only handle so much....and I know it's much worse for her. I'm just at a loss as what to do. I can't drag her kicking and screaming out of loserville to move closer to me. Really the place is a black hole of nothing but bad crap. I've tried and tried to tell her to get the heck out of the place. She doesn't listen though and she never will.
Really though... what do you do when you are the only child and pretty much the only family that your Mother has, but she want take your advice.
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14 comments:
HUGS I'm not sure what to say to that. I hope u can get her to move closer to you.
Oh, that's hard. I'd just say love her no matter what. You can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. It's something she's going to have to decide on her own.
From an only child with a self destructive mother:
You surround yourself with your own support system and tell your mom she's got to get it together to be a part of your life. Harsh? Yes, but they have to hit rock bottom for them to see anything is wrong. I grew up with a stepfather who beat my mother then SHE called ME crying because HE sent HER divorce papers- when I was 21. I don't know what your situation is, but I have kids and I don't want them exposed to my mother's lifestyle. It's been 6 years since we've heard from her. I told her when she's ready to drop her bad habits, we'll talk.
Amanda: You hit the nail on the head. The exact reason I see her maybe once a year. I feel bad about it...but I have my own kids to think about and just can't handle the drama. I always dread the calls from her not knowing what she will say next. It hurts me inside to see her doing this to herself time and time again.
I'm so sorry! Once people fall into cycles like that, it's so hard to get them to see that life can be different. She'll have to be the one to decide that she actually wants help and is ready for a change. Just be sure you are taking care of yourself!
we cant parent our parents though, you know?
trisha
It's so hard to see the people we care about have such things happen. I've had somewhat similar circumstances before and it's horrible. All we can do sometimes when it comes to our parents is hope for the best.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this! (((HUGS)))
That's a tough situation. Clearly you love your mom and want what's best for her. But, she's the mom and even though she may not be the maturest of the both of you right now, you have to let her live her life. Just be there to support and love her. Hugs!
Honestly? I pray. My mom won't listen to me so I just pray. I am sorry you are going through this.
That is a tough situation. Sounds like you really love your Mom and you want whats best for her. She just needs to decide for herself that she deserves better.
You cant make her decisions for her. She needs to take responsibility for her life and choices and she wont. Even if she were closer, she would still follow the same pattern. She just needs to find her own way and I am sorry you have to stand by and watch her self-destruct.
I am sorry you have to deal with that. (Hugs)
Linda
That's hard. I know a lot of people don't want you to fix their problems but just want you to be there afterwards to help them pick up the pieces. That's a hard spot to be in for a daughter.
I grew up with a mom that made many bad picks in the guy department (some of the worst kind).. but she married them. I think the best thing you can do is just love her. She needs someone in her life that loves her no matter what. Like a mom loves her child.. you may not approve of their choices but you love them anyway.
Good luck! I hope things get better asap.
Well, she is a grown woman, but I can understand why you'd be upset. The trouble though, is that she has to be the one to make the decision to make the break. You can help her, though, by supporting her and offering her options.
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